2.50pm, 17th January 2008- My grandma passed away...
"Alia, cepat siap. Tok Enda sakit tenat.", my mum told me when we were having lunch at home.
I blazed upstairs to change. What did I pick out? My black aybayyah and black tudung. Why the colour for mourning? I didnt know why I just picked up that outfit. 5 minutes later,
"Alia, Tok Enda dah meninggal dunia...", my mum whispered in hushed tones.
????????
What did I feel? NUMBNESS.
My beloved grandma had passed away to return to her Most Loved. Sadness overwhelmed me as we rode to the hospital. My mum making calls to inform her friends and relatives. Me, speechless.
When I arrived at the hospital, my grandma laid there lifeless, with the repiratory machine making her seem alive as her chest rose up and down. For a moment, I thought she was still there, until the doctor said, "Sorry, Its just the machine."
Her heart rate: ----------
Her blood pressure: -----------
Her oxygen uptake: ------------
Her mouth was open, blood oozing out. The respiratory tube that had been forced into her mouth for weeks made her bleed and her lips extremely dry. Her head had marks where tapes had been sticked on, tapes that held tubes going into her nose and mouth. Her blood was smeared all over the bed, lots of syringes and needles messing up her anatomy. She just laid there. Silent. Cold. She was gone....
How am I ever gonna stop my eyes from swelling up? However was I gonna be strong. Writing this post itself is making me weep and my hands shake.
I loved her. But now she was gone.
She used to take care of me. She used to feed me. Her small hands used to comfort me. Her shoulder was there to stop me from crying. Now they're no more there.. O Allah, help me be strong, for this is another big test Im going through....
The nurses cleaned and removed all the wires attached to her body. Then she was taken to the room where she was to be bathed. I bathed her. I couldnt take it. She was so ill. She had marks everywhere. A straight red line down her chest because of the bypass, and another from her thigh to her ankle because of biopsy. Her back had bedsore, due to the fact that she had been on the bed for a month. It was sore. Really sore.
I washed her. Her face, her hands, her legs. Her back. Her beautiful smile was still there, but her beautiful laugh was not heard. She was puffed up due to excessive amounts of drugs.
Then we wrapped her with white cloth. We covered her head. She was wearing the symbol of piety. The unsown cloth that looked like a scarf. She looked sweet. She looked at peace.
We prayed solat jenazah before bringing her back home. Once at home, her friends and many relatives came. A sign of love. A sign of brotherhood. A sign that only Islam can provide.
The saddest part came when none of us could kiss her for the last time. Her mouth was bleeding and so the cotton that covered her face stuck to it and we weren't allowed to open it. After another round of solat jenazah, she was lifted up into the van and brought to her grave at Jalan Ampang.
On her way there, I passed the buildings that I always passed everytime I visited her. Now, she would see no more of them. They were now nothing. Nothing compared to what she has to go through after this in alam barzakh.
The cemetry faced the tall KLCC and the leisure hubs that surround it. People were laughing. People were socializing. People were lost in this world. And here, someone had just passed away, symbolising that life ends and that life with Allah is the eternal life. Suddenly, KLCC seemed worthless. KLCC didnt stand as tall as it stands. Because I realised how great Allah is and how small KLCC is in HIS eyes. Maybe even micro. People were forgetting him everytime they step into these leisure hubs. And its not worth anything. I feel now that life is nothing but a temporary visit. A visit for us to collect as much points so that we can be beside HIM for eternity. A visit where modern technology and entertainment are not at all necessary. A visit where living up to the trend is not at all important. Whats the point in going astray when you know for sure that death awaits you?
O Allah, I thank you for another beautiful reminder that you have sent to me. For verily I have gone astray from you for so long. O Allah, make me hate what YOU hate, and make me LOVE only the things that YOU love. O ALLAH, tonight I have seen how great YOU are, and I have seen how ad-dunia is nothing compared to what YOU have promised me, my brothers and sisters, Al-Jannah. Lead us there O ALLAH, and if the world ever brings us away from you, please bring us back to our religion, so that every minute on this Earth is for Islam and YOU O Allah..
As we lowered my grandma into the hole, and covered it up. It gave me another reminder. You were born into this world because of Allah, and to HIM you shall return. Now I pray that my grandma will be placed amongst those HE loves and that she will be waiting for me and the rest of my family members in Al-Jannah. Insha Allah. She has worshiped Allah. She had devoted herself to Him. She had loved HIM like she loved no other. O Allah, I witness that my grandma has done her best in practising Islam and following the Sunnah. She has carried out her job as a mother and grandmother very well. Always reminding us about YOU, and always reminding us about our Prophet. O Allah, her doings have been sincere. Please make every suffering she went through, a step towards removing her sins O Allah. Verily you are Most Loving, Most Forgiving towards your servants.
She will continue to stay in my heart. My memories with her forever embedded in my thoughts. She will be my voice, my thoughts, and what she always said, "Never forget your Lord." will stay with me forever.
She lived a full and successful life. I should too. She lived because of HIM. I should too....
Mengiringi dukaku yang kehilangan dirimu,
Sungguh ku tak mampu tuk meredam kepedihan hatiku,
Untuk merelakan kepergianmu.
Ingin kuyakini cinta takkan berakhir,
Namun takdir menuliskan kita harus berakhir...
.JPG)
